I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Small penises have feelings too.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
