this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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