I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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