Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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