Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
