I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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