Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
