YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Randomize
