So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
