How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize