So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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