is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
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