Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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