so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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