So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
