it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
