a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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