I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
