the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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