so that wasnt chicken after all
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
