I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
The air taste purple.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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