Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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