drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
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