If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
