There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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