But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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