Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
