You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
