Your mouth is God's brothel.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
