I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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