my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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