that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
