An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
why do cheetos always look like penises
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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