You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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