Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
