ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I just found puke in my bra..
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
