His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
she told me i tasted like america
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
