I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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