Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
It's not a walk of shame if you run
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
