I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
