Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Randomize
