I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Randomize
