They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
