i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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