i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
