Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
