my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
