Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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