You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I forget how to act sober
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
