the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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