the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
