oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
