so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
two words: eviction party
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
