Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
