Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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