omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
