I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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