Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
You ate ashes out of my bong
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize