Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I'm passing your future prison.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
