is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
